An open letter to Shaira

Dear Shang,

            Do you still remember all the bad days we had when we were just kids? We don’t talk. We don’t laugh. We don’t play. Indeed, we are enemies. Remember all the bad words I have said unto you? They were like daggers, aren’t they? Of course, you’ll get hurt. That’s what I want. You were broke and you cried. I am the eldest, I am your superior. You must follow.

           But still, you’ve never hated me. I guess, I’m a total jerk for not loving you back. I guess, I’m your total opposite, I am the bad one and you were the good one.

            Remember that curse I’ve thrown up to you? Please, don’t take those words, seriously. I say those words for I am mad. That time, I still haven’t known the worth of you as my sister. That time, I still haven’t known the feeling of having a sister. That time, I was being blinded by my hate. That time, I still didn’t know how to love.

            We became best friends, and you say that I am the best ate in the world. I cried. Those innocent smiles gave me an unusual sensation. It feels so good that it can’t be true. Am I really worth for this love? I guess, am not.

           Time had passed and you were still beside me. You’ve never left me in all my good times and bad times. We laugh. We learn. We grew. We dream. Today until tomorrow and eternity, I’ll always love you, my best buddy.

Sentiments of the Unborn

It was dim. It was dark. And yet; it feels so warm. Where am I? Ah, I was on my mother’s womb.

 

 

October, 1996

Hey, mom! I am your first baby. Aren’t you happy having me? If not, then, why are you crying? Where is dad? Did he make you cry? Don’t worry mommy, I have loved you, unconditionally.

Two weeks later,

Mom, I haven’t seen the world. I am wondering what it would like. Dad will give us a tour right? We’ll be going to play and eat all the foods that we want. We’ll be going to the city and buy all the toys that I want. We’ll be going to the beach for our family bonding. We’ll be going to the church and we will serve God, happily. I’m so excited to see and feel the world, Mom.

I’m just wondering when I will be seeing it. I can’t wait.

One week later,

Mom, you seemed so happy. Did something good happen? I guess there is. I am glad that you are smiling. Mom, please tell Dad that I want to see the world---I want to see your smile.

Three days letter,

Mom, are feeling you feeling pain, because I am. I am still breathing, right? I will be going to live. But it never seems that I have the chance. I am holding on Mom. So please, don’t lose hope. Mom, where is dad? I see that he is right beside you. Good thing, for I know that I can’t hold my promise. Mom, please tell Dad to be strong, that you need him, and you love him. Even if things goes wrong, Dad, please stay on Mommy's side. Never leave her, like you always do. I want to hold on but I just can’t. I’m sorry. Thank you for giving me life. Goodbye Mom and Dad, I will miss you. I will be your unborn angel, forever.

An Open Letter to My Parents

Dear mama and papa,

Did you ever hate me? I guess not. Of course, I am your daughter, you cannot hate me. Remember all the bad times we had? All the headaches I gave to you? You only beat me a belt and I hate you for doing that; and yet you still cared for me. You see me crying, and you asked for forgiveness. I ignored you for I hate the both of you. I hate you for giving me care. I hate you for giving me love. Remember when I ignored all your injunctions? You scolded me but you still say that you were sorry. Remember when I’ve got 79 grades in math? You became disappointed and yet you embolden me that I must try my best for the next term. Remember when I’ve got a boyfriend? You slapped me and yet you also say that you were sorry. Remember when I’ve got sick? You scolded me for I am reckless; and yet you exerted all your efforts to help me healed. Of all these absurd things I have done, why didn’t you abandon me? Why didn’t you just leave me outside our home and watched as I am dying? I had hated you for too long and yet you still loved me from aback? Why? I still had got no idea.

Time had passed, and still I had hated you. I’ve got no idea why. Even me, myself cannot figure out. Maybe I want to try living on my own. I want to try how cruel the world was having no one. It’s a lame but I want to be independent. I don’t want to be someone who will be crying for the one who had left. I don’t want love for it only gives expeditious ecstasy. I don’t want care for people will only be used to it. I also don’t want hate but my burdens gave that kind of sensation. I had hated you for such a lame reason. I’m sorry mama and papa.

 Remember all the efforts you gave was still worth it. I am now a third year college student; and I have changed. All the love you gave when I was still a baby until then, was still perceive. Of all the advises and sacrifices you have exerted, I become a better woman. All the bad things I have done, I thank you for not leaving me, for not abandoning me and leaving in the dark. Of all the cares you have flaunt, I have learned my lesson. I ain’t an island to be alone but I am a creation and I was born to be forsaken. Thank you mama and papa, for giving me this wonderful life. I love you.

All about my blog

Family isn't defined only by blood or by surname; it is defined by commitment and by love. In this blog let me share my life to you, of how I am being contented and happy having my family as my greatest strengths as well as my weakness. Of how my family changed the sentiment of my life. Of how I am being loved by them and how I had love them back. And of course how my second family(friends) help me developed and become a better human.

I want the whole wide world to comprehend of why I am proud of them. I want them to know how lucky I am having them in my life. I want them to know that they are the reasons of my struggle and the reasons why I am laughing out loud. I want them to know that they are my inspirations of why I am blogging this.

Someday, my child or my grandchild might read this, I want them to know how I have striven for my life to surpass all the upcoming struggles. Let's say that I want to inspire them and know the worth of having a family. Of how lucky they would be having kinship in life. Of how colorful their life could be having a companion. No matter if they are not their real family as long as there is love and commitment they would still be happy.

Who am I?

Who I really am? I don’t know how to start my words describing who I really am. Maybe, I should start by introducing in a name that was given on me; I am Shela Mae S. Talagtag. In my 18 years of existence to be exact, I have been this kind to other people. I had never disobeyed my parents though it values my greatest dream---to be an architect. I have been this trying hard not to fail. I am breadwinner of our family and they expect higher success from me. Of course, I wouldn’t fail for they are my greatest irony. They are my greatest strengths when I fall and also my weakness in my everyday story. I am who I am because of them. I am me in my all aspects of living and no man could judge me. I’ve got flaws and millions of imperfections but that is in my favor. I am here to learn from my flaws and not to live from their judgement eyes. I am into success and no man can breach it.